Day 43: Part 2

After another supper of high cuisine ( pizza and bottle of red wine) Charlie and I have retreated to our rooms……

Some rathe frivolous and some sincere conclusions…..

why is it that when I put my boots on in the mornings, it feels that the boots have either shrunk or my feet have grown at least 2 inches? It takes time for my feet to accept that for yet another day they are to be bound and constricted. A few days ago I was walking my first kilometre of the day and I thought of the days when, in China, little girls’ feet were bound to stop them growing as small feet were thought to be very desirable; and I thought of the pain that they must have suffered at the hands of parents that loved them and were actually binding their feet to make them a more marriageable (and therefore happier) proposition….. in other words doing bad, and thinking they were doing good. Do I ever do that? My dog would love me to double or treble her food rations, but that would not be kind to her, a case of having to be cruel to be kind? I shall reflect on this tomorrow with Charlie….

Thought for the day:-

I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.

Pietro Aretino, satirist and dramatist, 1492 – 1556

Does this apply to “does my bum look big in this?”….

My friend, Jan, wrote to give me an update on home, we have lots of lambs ‘gambling’ around the park. The trees are in bud. My dog is well and happy…..

Home seems a long way away, and all the realities and responsibilities that go with my “normal” life. I began my journey on the anniversary of my husband’s death and I don’t intend to return until after his birthday on April 29th, so I shall stay in Santiago for a few extra days…

The Camino has acted almost like a fire-break for my emotions. I put the brakes on and did not spend time brooding over the year I have been without him or the day he died. Instead of brooding I walked, I walked alone, making myself take full responsibility for myself. And in three days, God willing, I will have seen it through…. all 800km (500 miles) of the Camino; that is not to say I have not thought of him every hour of every day. I think of him when I go to sleep at night, and I wake still with that split second of thought that all is well before the knowledge that things will never be quite well ever again hits me, sometimes harder than at other times….

Then what? After I finish in three days time? After I fly home to England and watch the lambs in the park and enjoy the trees awakening. That it the such a huge and frightening question…..

At times I have felt happiness. Maybe when wandering along a country lane or talking to a fellow Pilgrim I have felt “happiness” quite acutely. We all seem to be well aware of when we are unhappy, it’s harder to actually take note of when we are filled with joy and peace.

I wish you all, joy, peace, hope, courage, contentment and confidence, and the ability to know, recognise and hold onto those moments when these things creep into your hearts….

Love Susan x

This entry was posted in bereavement, confidence, courage, death, friendship, HOPE, joy, peace, strangers, The Camino de Compostela, the way of St James, walking and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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